Closing CubeSpace

Today is the last day that CubeSpace will be open. We still have a little cleanup to do over the weekend, and the farewell party Tuesday (4PM – ?, BYO, please come), but as far as regular business, today is it. I can’t tell you how strange it feels. Nonetheless, I guess I’m going to try.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever had something I’ve invested so much of myself in before. My marriage, perhaps, but nothing else. And to be shutting it down is hard. While I don’t consider CubeSpace a failure because so much good has come out of it, I also cannot consider it a success, since it’s closing. It doesn’t feel like a graduation, or quitting a job. It doesn’t feel like any of the other endings I’ve experienced in my life before. It’s just odd.

It’s also somewhat liberating. No more being tied down to a business that needs me here until 9:30 at night, or needs me here to open it at 6:45 in the morning. Or, more accurately, needs me here until 9:30 at night and needs Eva here at 6:45 in morning, and we try to squeeze in 20 minutes of quality time while we wind down for bed so she gets enough sleep before another day.

But I also won’t be seeing everyone in the community on a daily basis. I’ll still see people, but not as naturally. I’ll have to make time for it, plan it. Life will be different. I don’t know what it will bring, but it will be different.

Today is a sad day. I’m loving everyone coming through to offer condolences, and to say “see you in a bit.” Love that people feel the need to come in and say goodbye to the space. I don’t quite know how to say goodbye to the space as a functioning community. But somehow, I know that I need to.

Tonight, we will lock the doors at 7, and I will be here. I’m not normally here at 7 on a Friday (normally I’ve already left Beer and Blog for home), but tonight, it feels important to me to be here. As a rabbi, I’m used to marking such occasions with rituals and blessings. I’m not sure what the blessing is when you close your business, but perhaps I’ll figure it out in the next six hours.

Plans Post-CubeSpace

A list of a few things I’m looking forward to doing in my post-CubeSpace existence:

• Gardening. The garden has gotten minimal to no attention the last few summers. I’m really looking forward to having the time to spend in the yard and grow some veggies this summer. Also, it will be great to get grapes trellised, the raspberries under control and reclaim the brick path. Oh yes, and some serious dandelion eradication. We’ll see how many laurel bushes get taken out over the course of the summer as well.
• Knitting. While I’ve been knitting all along, I haven’t been very creative in my knitting while at CubeSpace. It’s just taken too much of my attention and energy. I’m hoping to be able to do more creative work, and maybe some design work. For me, it’s an outlet for creative exploration, and I want to use it as such.
• Photography. I love taking photographs, but haven’t really spent the time to practice recently. Hoping to do some of that this summer.
• Beavers Baseball. I’m hoping to go to a baseball game or two this summer. I’ve been meaning to for years, but the last game I made it to was the summer before we opened CubeSpace.
• Cheap Movies. We live walking distance to the Baghdad Theater, the Laurelhurst Theater and the Avalon Theater, all of which show movies for $3 or less.
• Paycheck. It will be lovely to get work where someone is paying me for it. Just one of those dreams of mine.

I’m quite certain I’ll come up with other activities, and that I’ll discover that I have not nearly as much free time as I imagine I will. Nonetheless, these are a few of the things I’m looking forward to in the next stage of life.

It’s the End of CubeSpace as We Know It…

For the moment, I’m just going to send you to the post I wrote for the CubeSpace blog.

God’s Mouthpiece

I spoke yesterday on a panel about creating GLBT-friendly religious communities. It’s a subject I care about and speak about with some regularity (a few times a year). In general, the audiences for such talks tend to be very supportive, and this was no exception. That’s not the point I want to make today, howerver.

During the Q&A part of the panel, someone asked a question, which sparked a response in me. And suddenly, I found myself answering the question eloquently, and speaking passionately about the use of language as an act of inclusion or exclusion in everyday situations. That we ought not to be making Pride Month the time of the year when we focus on issues of inclusion, but rather, by the simple use of inclusive language, making clear that we are welcoming throughout the year.

There are times that I forget that I have something to say. There are times when I wonder how it is that I can come up with a weekly sermon when I’ve done that in the past. Then there are times like yesterday, when something just comes out, and it is the right message at the right moment. For me, those are times when I am serving the Holy most directly. When I let the words flow through me, and the words are good, and true, and right.

Yesterday was a good day.

CubeSpace’s Saga

So, it’s been abusy  few days, and the best way to catch you up on it is by directing you to some other blog posts. First, I’ll try to tell the story very briefly.

As many of you know, my wife Eva, and I own and run CubeSpace. Last Tuesday, our landlord, US Bank cause a summons to be issued to begin eviction proceedings, to take place on Wednesday (1 week and 1 day later). It took Eva and myself about 2 days to figure out what they were up to, at which point we realized that we and CubeSpace were pretty much finished financially. Friday, around 12:30 PM we posted this letter on the CubeSpace Blog: http://cubespacepdx.com/node/2012.
That’s when the fun began.

It ignited a twitterstorm. Almost immediately, a website to collect contributions was put up by friends of CubeSpace. Someone else put up an auction site to benefit CubeSpace.  Friday afternoon, this article was posted to the Oregonian’s website, and was printed in the paper on Saturday.

We received a response from US Bank, with some options Friday afternoon around 2:30.

Saturday was not a Shabbat, by any stretch of the imagination. We spent all morning responding to emails, well-wishes, and the like. We put up another blog post with updated information: http://cubespacepdx.com/node/2013. Eva posted another letter to her personal blog yesterday afternoon: http://catherder.wordpress.com/2009/05/23/the-little-engine-that-might/ .

This morning, we gathered with a small group of advisors, and we are in negotiations with US Bank. We will  go radio silent about progress until these negotiations are concluded because we are legally bound to be quiet about them until they are concluded.

Again, we are so grateful to everyone for all the support we’ve received. And we’ll update you further in a few days.

Good News That Wasn’t

It’s all over the twitterverse right now: The California State Supreme Court just overturned the gay marriage ban. What we have learned more recently is that we are all basing these tweets on links to an article which is dated 2008 (a year ago). Thus, it is not, in fact, true.

Watching the elated exclamations followed shortly thereafter by dejected realization that Prop 8 remains in effect has been hard. The let down of that realization is hard. Again.

And again I find myself frustrated and bothered that people are so insecure in their own marriages that they feel those marriages will be threatened if gays and lesbians are allowed to marry. I perform weddings because I believe them to be a sacred act between people who love each other and are making a commitment to one another. When I do weddings, I like to include a mention of the lack of marriage equality as an issue. I would perform same-sex weddings, were I asked. And I remain astounded by the bigotry of the American people, and the willingness of the courts to allow that bigotry to stand.

There are constitutional amendments that are not constitutional. A ban on African-American drivers, for instance, even as a constitutional amendment, would not, I think , be constitutional. I would argue the same is inherently true of same-sex marriage. Marriage, as a legal institution, either exists for everyone or no one. As a legal institution, it is on a par with the formation of a corporation (indeed, it seems to be very similar to the formation of a corporation). As a spiritual issue, neither the voters, the court, nor any government body get a say. That’s what separation of church and state is about. It means that I, as the interpreter of Judaism, have the authority to make the decision about who may spiritually wed in a Jewish setting. It also means that other rabbis, ministers, etc., may choose to differently interpret who may wed, and may not be forced to celebrate same-sex weddings if they violate their understanding of their spiritual tradition.

Once again, I find myself worked up over this issue. Not because of a twitter meme that popped up mistakenly today. Not because little has changed on this issue today (though the governor of New Hampshire did announce today that he would sign a gay-marriage bill). I am worked up because I live in a country (and state) where the majority of the citizenry are bigots and the courts have not acted decisively on this issue. There will come a time when we look back on this era, not with amazement at how fast things are changing, but with disgust at our hypocrisy, as we now look back at the segregated south.

There are those who point out how far we’ve come, and how quickly. And it is true. Just a decade ago, when I talked about same-sex marriage, everyone else in the room thought we’d be lucky to see it within our lifetimes. Nonetheless, it is not acceptable to congratulate oneself on the pace of reform while in process of moving from moral bankruptcy to moral compliance until the change is complete.

We will get to a place of equality. We will overcome this legalized bigotry. But until then, our world is broken.

On Gratitude

In the last 24 hours, I’ve twice had someone express gratitude to me in a meaningful way. Both times were really influential in my mood, so I thought I would share them.

As I was walking out of the grocery store yesterday with a couple of items in my reusable shopping bag, I noticed a woman struggling to lift a bag of dog food out of her shopping cart and into her car. I asked if she’d like a hand, and she responded that, no, she had it in hand and it was all gravity from here (as she let it fall into her hatchback). I thought nothing more of the encounter and proceeded to walk home. A block later, she pulled up beside me and said, “thank you. I just wanted to let you know that you made my day.” Such a little thing I did (actually, offered to do, since she did all the work), and it made her day. And in turn, she made mine by helping me to see the difference I had made in her day.

Today, as I sat at the frontdesk at CubeSpace, someone with whom I worked on barcamp came in for a meeting and handed me a gift bag as a thank you for all the work I’d done on barcamp. First, I want to be clear, it’s wonderful to be thanked for that work, and a gift, any token, really does convey that powerfully. Secondly, I opened the bag…and it contained yarn. Not just any yarn, but Yarnia yarn. It’s a beautiful mix she made of greens and maroons, bamboo, hemp and rayon fibers. It’s a wonderful meaningful expression of gratitude  because she got me something that is near and dear to my heart. It’s not just a token…it’s a token for me, which adds to the sense of gratitude.

So now, I am sitting here being grateful that I live in such a lovely place, with such wonderful people, who expres their gratitude.

Writing While Tired

I’m sure I have a great post just waiting to be written, but I can’t figure out what it is. In a nutshell, that sums up my experience of today. Brain  not quite clicking, lots of stuff to get done, but it all seems just out of sight…

BarCamp was wonderful, but 250 people (plus or minus) in CubeSpace for 2 days takes a fair amount out of me (and everyone else). One day off between BarCamp and Monday doesn’t seem to be quite enough for recovery. Leaving me somewhat brainless.

Therefore, I ask your pardon for the lack of scintilating content in this post (all the other posts which lack scinitillating content? I apologize not at all). In the meantime, I hope to wake up and return you all soon to my normal content…whatever that may be.

CubeSpace Spiritual Community

Eva and I have one rule we try to abide by: we don’t do CubeSpace work on Shabbat (Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. We don’t always succeed, and there is one event a year we know we will be working: BarCamp Portland. We do this for 3 reasons:

1. It’s a lot of fun.
2. It’s great marketing for CubeSpace to have 350 people come through.
3. We aren’t set up to have 350 people come through CubeSpace without us being present.

Nonetheless, it does mean working on Shabbat. Which made me think about the intersection of spiritual community and CubeSpace community.

In many ways, it feels like the CubeSpace community has become my spiritual community: it is the group that it feels “right” to spend Passover with. It is the community I share news with. It is the community I enjoy partying with (see above re: BarCamp). So spending Shabbat this way does not feel entirely inappropiate.

While there is definitely the resting and recharging element of Shabbat, there is also the celebration and joy element. This week, clearly, is going to be more about the celebration and joy. This week, will be about connecting to the community. Partying with some of the folks I see daily, and some I see only once a year, and no doubt meeting some new folks. It is the opportunity to learn something new…and maybe teach something.

Tonight and tomorrow will be a whirlwind of food, fun, friends, and general geekery. I will emerge at the end exhausted, but having had a good time. In Judaism, we most often pray in community. We most often practice spirituality in community. Today, the Portland Tech Community gathers together, and joins in a spiritual event, even if I’m the only one labeling it as such. It will involve our spirits, affect our spirits, which makes it spiritual (the fact that we’ll be drinking spirits is just a bonus).

Shabbat Shalom, all…or at the very least have a raccous Shabbat of celebration.

Knitting Lace

Recently, I realized that my knitting was becoming somewhat routinized. I’ve been knitting the same patterns (mainly socks) over and over. Don’t get me wrong. I love knitting socks, I love having socks I knit. But I’m getting a touch stale. There is a lack of challenge in socks. It’s not like…lace.

Lace is a challenge. Lace is an adventure. Lace is something, that when you screw it up, you have to rip it all the way back to the beginning (or, if you are very clever and put in a lifeline, to your last lifeline). Lace is intricate and complex and detailed work. To do lace, you need to concentrate. So I said to myself, “let’s do some lace.”

I cast on my 56 stitches for 3 repeats of the pattern (18 stitch repeat with 2 stitches at the end). It’s not a particularly complext pattern, just 12 pattern rows (which you then repeat until the scarf is the desired length). I got through my first set of 12 rows, and realized that instead of the predicted 6 inches wide scarf, mine was closer to 12. Now, this isn’t a terrible problem, but it is wider than I wanted the scarf to be. So I ripped the whole thing out, and cast on 38 stitches (2 repeats of the 18 stitch pattern plus 2 stitches at the end).

That’s when the trouble began. I got six rows in, and realized I had the wrong number of stitches. Out came the needle and I rip out the six rows.I cast on again. Four rows in, one of my repeats of 18 stitches is 20 stitches long. Pull out the needle, rip out the knitting. Cast on again. Two rows in, and my stitch count is wrong. Rip it out again.

Tonight, after letting it lie fallow for about a week, I cast on again (after discovering I had to rip out, again). I’ve gotten through the first 12 rows, and so far so good. I’ve made an adjustment: I’ve added stitch markers every 9 stitches to keep track of my place in the pattern. It makes it easier to catch mistakes before I get too far. As I say, so far so good.

This would be the point when I would normally insert a photo, but my camera batteries are currently charging, so while I could insert a photo from my walk to work this morning (of flowers, not of lace), I don’t think the picture would illustrate any of my points particularly. While a picture may be worth a thousand words, a thousand off topic words in a 600 word post seems like a bad idea.

David’s rules for knitting lace:

• Never knit lace after any alcohol.Trust me, when you pick up again the next day, the stitch count won’t be right.
• Lace knitting is not for meetings; you have to concentrate too much (or at least I do) to be able to fully pay attention to the meeting.
• Don’t knit lace while tired. See above under “alcohol.”
• Put in lifelines frequently (a piece of yarn threaded through the stitches of a row which lets you safetly rip back to that point). OK…so far I’m failing this one.
• Be committed to the process not the finished product (be prepared to rip out a lot, and be okay with that).

I’ll point out that these rules for knitting lace are all lovely, but I do much of my knitting during meetings. Often I knit when I’m too tired to do other work. Occasionally I like to knit while sipping a glass of wine. And I’ve never quite gotten good about putting in lifelines. Nut I’m quite skilled at ripping out my knitting.