Not very often, but occasionally, there are times when a rabbi finds him/herself waiting to find out what they need to do. When a congregant is in the hospital or on the way to the hospital (or being evaluated at the hospital), and I’m trying to figure out whether I should be running down to Salem to visit in the hospital, or if they would be home before I could get there.
At the moment, I’m in that waiting mode. Which is a little unnerving. I know I should be better about simply “being in the moment” and allowing the situation to unfold as it will, accepting whatever comes, but that’s really not who I am. I tend to be someone who likes to plan and do. Sitting and letting events unfold before I act is a challenge for me. Nonetheless, even in this, there is the opportunity for recognizing two ways of being: aggravated that I have no control, or calm and watching the world as it unfolds, ready to respond when the time is right.
My goal for this evening is to sit in the second position: non-anxiously awaiting what unfolds. In the meantime, I’m spending a lot of time bashing down the desire to be anxious and aggravated.